There were many things I had just never really thought about before I had kids. Being judged for snacks being one of them. It seems like such a little thing, but there is just so much potential for judgment and awkwardness. We all have our different issues and different things on our radars. We have different beliefs, priorities and needs. Some people don't really care. Others are the food police. I'm pretty moderate I think. I'm not the mom with the Pepsi and Grab Bag of Doritos or the mom with the organic hummus with organic vegetable slices and non-plastic bottles of water. I'm the mom with the cheese crackers, non-organic blueberries and Capri Sun. I don't do soda, HFCS or gummi snacks, but other than that I figure playdate treats are not a staple so I don't really care.
I got food policed the other day. I had been baking spirit cookies for my daughter's class every Friday, often in her school colors--yellow and blue. The cookies were a reward for the kids who wore their spirit shirts. I would take a few extras to the office for the staff. So last Friday as I was leaving the office I was stopped by one of the moms in my daughter's class who asked me to stop baking cookies for the class. The cookies weren't organic and contained artificial colorings which she feels cause cancer. She didn't want her daughter eating them and didn't feel it fair to her daughter if she didn't get a cookie when other kids did so no kids should get cookies...which as they are chock full of cancer is probably good. As the mother pushing these horrid cookies I felt judged as she schooled me on the evils of them. Apparently cookies are why kids don't eat the fruit and vegetables we want them to eat. Who would have thought a weekly cookie would have such a terrible effect on the poor children. Thankfully she saved them. Of course I am judging her right back. I think she was being silly. I think if she doesn't want her kid eating cookies she needs to teach her kid to say "no thank you." I know she thought she was being the superior parent listing all the things she doesn't let her kid eat as I just thought "poor kid." The problem is that it isn't just about being polite during one confrontation or conversation. My response probably determines if her daughter will ever be allowed to come play with my daughter outside of school. What if my daughter decides her daughter is her new best friend and wants a playdate? Is her mom going to let her come to the home of a mom with such poor judgment that she pushed cancer laden cookies on innocent children? Obviously I wouldn't offer her kid cookies. I'd pull out my organic apple slices and Annie's bunnies but he mom would already know of my poor judgment issues. So I smiled and nodded and offered the teacher that I'd bake cookies without coloring from now on as a compromise. He said that he didn't think the cookies were helping to get more kids to wear spirit shirts anyway so we could just skip the cookies as they weren't having the desired effect anyway.
These encounters make me worry about what other parents think of the snacks I offer their kids and if . It can go so differently. If I offer to make cookies or cupcakes for a playdate the parent might think I rock or that I am a terrible parent and person for giving their kids junk food. If I pull out the Costco bag of organic sliced apples I'm either a fellow superior parent or I have boring sucky snacks. Maybe they would assume I'd judge their snacks. Would they assume I was "one of those"? Making cookies is more fun than eating apples. Kids can decorate the cookies--not much you can do with the apples.When others offer my kids snacks my only worry is that my kid will take one bite and waste it or eat it like they have never been fed before--other people's snacks taste much better than your own you know. Usually people aren't that aggressive, it is more like they inspect the package and then say something about their child only eats organic, doesn't eat junk food like goldfish crackers or the occasional "We don't eat that crap." I've actually witnessed this more than I've had it happen to me, but it has still happened. Someday one of my kids will ask why someone said that about their food (or a food we eat) and I will have to find a way to defend my choices without being disrespectful to the other person's beliefs. I guess it is the same with all differing beliefs--you want to teach that people believe differently rather than that they are wrong or silly but it is more challenging when they have jsut insulted your choice/belief.
I have a friend with whom I discussed this issue. Her son had a classmate who food policed the other kids and told them their parents were giving them poison. It is one thing when you get the aggressive vegan who talks about your colon and how you must not know what you are doing to your body or you couldn't eat meat etc when you are an adult. It is different when someone tells your child about how terrible your choices are...like it is fact, and not just their opinion. We all make different choices for our kids and I do hope that when I tell my kids I make a certain choice for them because I love and want them to be safe and healthy that they don't take that to mean that people who make different choices don't love their kids or care about their health or safety. My thing is car safety not snacks--we all have our different issues. I hope my kids don't tell the kids who don't use car seats or boosters that their parents don't care about their safety. Life is complicated.
Food should be easier than religion or politics yet it can be very awkward. It is kind of funny though because unlike religion and politics the other side often doesn't feel as passionately so you don't tend to get the heated arguments. For instance, vegans might think meat is terrible, but omnivors don't think vegetables are bad for you. It is more like one person attacks and then is later mocked when they are gone. One time at a dance class my then 3 year old daughter was taking, a parent launched into this whole "Don't you know you are poisoning your kids" tirade while drinking a Big Gulp. I don't remember why she started and it wasn't directed at a single person, but she went on and on about how the food in stores is poison and you have to have your own chickens or buy from a farmer you trust. All processed foods were poison. Anything you bought in a grocery store was poison--milk, eggs, vegetables--everything. On and on about how ignorant we( in general I guess) were because we would never eat food from the store if we knew what she knew. The next week she brought her daughter in carrying a fast food bag. The day of the tirade the other moms were all quiet and acted like they were listening to a reasonable person talk. As soon as she left there was an explosion of conversation about her soda, how crazy what she said was and how rudely she had termed everything. I was no better, but I wonder why none of us voiced our disagreement to her. Why didn't anyone simply say "I don't believe that" or a simple "I'm not poisoning my kids." Or a "I don't want to hear anymore of this." I get why nobody questioned her about her soda because the "look at you!" arguments are annoying, but "I don't appreciate being told I'm ignorantly poisoning my kids" would have been called for. Maybe since there were many of us we were all waiting for someone else to say something. I think if she had launched into a specific person I might have come to their defense but when it was directed at everyone I kept my pie hole shut. I'm sure pie is poison too.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Over half way there
I am now down 63 pounds and have hit that point where I think people who see me would think I could stand to lose some weight, but I don't think I'd be described as "obese" even though I still technically am. I fit into "normal" sized clothes. Sometimes I feel a little giddy when I think about how the next bathing suit I buy will be a single digit or how in the Spring I can buy clothes that actually look cute. I'll have all new problems then though because I'm not exactly sure how a mom to small children in her mid forties is supposed to dress. Who knows what I'll be left with when the extra weight is gone--it probably isn't going to be the body I had 10 years ago. I am currently at ("ideal weight")+56, that "ideal" being the super thin I couldn't even maintain at 20 for any length of time. I plan on losing at least 20 pounds more, but think I'll probably go for 40 more---somewhere between 20 and 40 when I hit a point where what I'm doing isn't delivering results I'll call it good, buy all new clothes, and go into maintenance-mode. I mention that I am ("ideal weight")+56 because there still is a part of me that feels that that number in HUGE while another part rejoices that it is SO much better than what I've been the last 8 years. I'm at that point where other women say I look great, but I'm looking forward to when some of them stop talking to me about it ha ha. You know, that point where they feel threatened for some reason so they can't say anything nice. I'm pretty much aiming for where I used to be when I felt fat and wanted to lose weight. It wasn't so much that I thought I looked fat, it was more that the number on the scale told me I was fat because it wasn't a number I could proudly announce. It wasn't like 107. I feel like women are supposed to be under 120 even though I know that for most women that is rather underweight unless you are short. It is the movie weights I think that give me that idea. I would guess that most women who are not fat nor model thin are probably 140ish. I don't ask other women how much they weigh and they probably wouldn't answer honestly anyway so that is just a guess. I think this time if I get down to 140ish I will be happy with it instead of feeling I need to try to get those last 20ish pounds off.
I've had my moments. I get happy when I hit a new 0 going below the last 10. I get happy when I can size down my pants. Then there have been the sad moments like when I measured myself and saw that I am wearing a few sizes smaller than the clothing chart says I should be. You think you are a 12 because your pants are a size 12 but the chart says you are an 18--uncool. I've also had times I found a pair of pants I was sure would have to fit because they looked SO HUGE and they were tight. That is why I've fixated on the number on the scale because I don't trust that i'm not delusional about my size. I'm probably rarely right. I'm probably either over or underestimating my size. I know it isn't just me.
I have had to make some changes along the way. Sometimes I feel like I am juggling and keep getting thrown new balls to work in. I guess that is how it goes. So far it has turned out ok. The first challenge I hit was my blood pressure went up. I'd never had a problem with my blood pressure before. Then boom, I hit 127 over an ok number I've forgotten. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I was eating too much sodium or not as much garlic so I lowered the sodium and started taking garlic pills. I threw in some CoQ10 for good measure. I used to get a lot of garlic on the frequent pasta I ate. Cottage cheese and deli turkey breast were giving me a lot of sodium. I cut out the cottage cheese and replaced the deli turkey with a freshly cooked thin sliced chicken breast which is in some ways more work, but it is worth it. It jsut makes it a little harder when you have to look at protein, carbs and sodium--it is often only 2 that are good. (I want at least 7 grams of protein every time I eat.) So now for breakfast I eat 2 ounces of mozzarella melted on a multigrain tortilla, have 33 grams of almonds for snack, a 4 oz chicken breast on low carb bread with an ounce of cheese for lunch and then i have dinner which usually includes 12 oz of black beans, 6-8 oz of chicken, pork or beef (75% of the time chicken wiht the others rotated) and sometimes a baked potato or corn or peas. My daily treat is a See's lollipop. I dropped a snack that I probably shouldn't have. I need to get back to eating every 2 1/2 hours to keep my metabolism up, but I'm not really hungry so I forget. I get busy and forget. Sometimes I add a cheese stick if I remember, but I need to be better at remembering. The other change I've made is that I walk a lot. It is a pretty easy way to get exercise but it takes time. Most days I spend at least 2 hours walking which means I have 2 hours less in my day to do everything else that needs to get done. I do multitask in that I check email and Facebook while walking. I need that 6 or so miles a day because now my calorie requirement is so low it would be really hard to make it without them. One of those hours doesn't really count because it is walking kids to and from school--that hour is pretty much gone. There are 3 trips. If I drove and had to park and get everyone in and out of car seats it would probably take the same 20 minutes a trip as walking does. Now I may change again. My youngest may be old enough to enjoy the gym daycare so some long walks may be replaced by the gym. That won't save time however. I have to drive to the gym, get everyone out and in the daycare and get dressed. An hour walk takes exactly 1 hour. An hour at the gym takes close to 2. An hour walk is free. An hour at the gym costs $4 in daycare fees. However an hour at the gym should burn a lot more calories. We'll see. With the weather changing I might need to go back to Xbox Zumba and dance games.
The other challenge I have is finding balance; that balance between willpower and determination and being able to have cake at a birthday party or ice-cream with one of my kids on a kid-date. I want to lose weight, but I don't want the biggest thing about me to be that I'm on a diet. I want to teach my kids good habits, but I don't want them to feel women can never have carbs. For me extremes have always been easier than moderation. No pizza is easier than stopping at one slice. I'm working on it.
I've had my moments. I get happy when I hit a new 0 going below the last 10. I get happy when I can size down my pants. Then there have been the sad moments like when I measured myself and saw that I am wearing a few sizes smaller than the clothing chart says I should be. You think you are a 12 because your pants are a size 12 but the chart says you are an 18--uncool. I've also had times I found a pair of pants I was sure would have to fit because they looked SO HUGE and they were tight. That is why I've fixated on the number on the scale because I don't trust that i'm not delusional about my size. I'm probably rarely right. I'm probably either over or underestimating my size. I know it isn't just me.
I have had to make some changes along the way. Sometimes I feel like I am juggling and keep getting thrown new balls to work in. I guess that is how it goes. So far it has turned out ok. The first challenge I hit was my blood pressure went up. I'd never had a problem with my blood pressure before. Then boom, I hit 127 over an ok number I've forgotten. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I was eating too much sodium or not as much garlic so I lowered the sodium and started taking garlic pills. I threw in some CoQ10 for good measure. I used to get a lot of garlic on the frequent pasta I ate. Cottage cheese and deli turkey breast were giving me a lot of sodium. I cut out the cottage cheese and replaced the deli turkey with a freshly cooked thin sliced chicken breast which is in some ways more work, but it is worth it. It jsut makes it a little harder when you have to look at protein, carbs and sodium--it is often only 2 that are good. (I want at least 7 grams of protein every time I eat.) So now for breakfast I eat 2 ounces of mozzarella melted on a multigrain tortilla, have 33 grams of almonds for snack, a 4 oz chicken breast on low carb bread with an ounce of cheese for lunch and then i have dinner which usually includes 12 oz of black beans, 6-8 oz of chicken, pork or beef (75% of the time chicken wiht the others rotated) and sometimes a baked potato or corn or peas. My daily treat is a See's lollipop. I dropped a snack that I probably shouldn't have. I need to get back to eating every 2 1/2 hours to keep my metabolism up, but I'm not really hungry so I forget. I get busy and forget. Sometimes I add a cheese stick if I remember, but I need to be better at remembering. The other change I've made is that I walk a lot. It is a pretty easy way to get exercise but it takes time. Most days I spend at least 2 hours walking which means I have 2 hours less in my day to do everything else that needs to get done. I do multitask in that I check email and Facebook while walking. I need that 6 or so miles a day because now my calorie requirement is so low it would be really hard to make it without them. One of those hours doesn't really count because it is walking kids to and from school--that hour is pretty much gone. There are 3 trips. If I drove and had to park and get everyone in and out of car seats it would probably take the same 20 minutes a trip as walking does. Now I may change again. My youngest may be old enough to enjoy the gym daycare so some long walks may be replaced by the gym. That won't save time however. I have to drive to the gym, get everyone out and in the daycare and get dressed. An hour walk takes exactly 1 hour. An hour at the gym takes close to 2. An hour walk is free. An hour at the gym costs $4 in daycare fees. However an hour at the gym should burn a lot more calories. We'll see. With the weather changing I might need to go back to Xbox Zumba and dance games.
The other challenge I have is finding balance; that balance between willpower and determination and being able to have cake at a birthday party or ice-cream with one of my kids on a kid-date. I want to lose weight, but I don't want the biggest thing about me to be that I'm on a diet. I want to teach my kids good habits, but I don't want them to feel women can never have carbs. For me extremes have always been easier than moderation. No pizza is easier than stopping at one slice. I'm working on it.
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