Snack wars

There were many things I had just never really thought about before I had kids. Being judged for snacks being one of them. It seems like such a little thing, but there is just so much potential for judgment and awkwardness. We all have our different issues and different things on our radars. We have different beliefs, priorities and needs. Some people don't really care. Others are the food police. I'm pretty moderate I think. I'm not the mom with the Pepsi and Grab Bag of Doritos or the mom with the organic hummus with organic vegetable slices and non-plastic bottles of water. I'm the mom with the cheese crackers, non-organic blueberries and Capri Sun. I don't do soda, HFCS or gummi snacks, but other than that I figure playdate treats are not a staple so I don't really care.

I got food policed the other day.  I had been baking spirit cookies for my daughter's class every Friday, often in her school colors--yellow and blue. The cookies were a reward for the kids who wore their spirit shirts. I would take a few extras to the office for the staff. So last Friday as I was leaving the office  I was stopped by one of the moms in my daughter's class who asked me to stop baking cookies for the class. The cookies weren't organic and contained artificial colorings which she feels cause cancer. She didn't want her daughter eating them and didn't feel it fair to her daughter if she didn't get a cookie when other kids did so no kids should get cookies...which as they are chock full of cancer is probably good. As the mother pushing these horrid cookies I felt judged as she schooled me on the evils of them. Apparently cookies are why kids don't eat the fruit and vegetables we want them to eat. Who would have thought a weekly cookie would have such a terrible effect on the poor children. Thankfully she saved them. Of course I am judging her right back. I think she was being silly. I think if she doesn't want her kid eating cookies she needs to teach her kid to say "no thank you." I know she thought she was being the superior parent listing all the things she doesn't let her kid eat as I just thought "poor kid." The problem is that it isn't just about being polite during one confrontation or conversation. My response probably determines if her daughter will ever be allowed to come play with my daughter outside of school. What if my daughter decides her daughter is her new best friend and wants a playdate? Is her mom going to let her come to the home of a mom with such poor judgment that she pushed cancer laden cookies on innocent children? Obviously I wouldn't offer her kid cookies. I'd pull out my organic apple slices and Annie's bunnies but he mom would already know of my poor judgment issues.  So I smiled and nodded and offered the teacher that I'd bake cookies without coloring from now on as a compromise. He said that he didn't think the cookies were helping to get more kids to wear spirit shirts anyway so we could just skip the cookies as they weren't having the desired effect anyway.

 These encounters make me worry about what other parents think of the snacks I offer their kids and if . It can go so differently. If I offer to make cookies or cupcakes for a playdate the parent might think I rock or that I am a terrible parent and person for giving their kids junk food. If I pull out the Costco bag of organic sliced apples I'm either a fellow superior parent or I have boring sucky snacks. Maybe they would assume I'd judge their snacks. Would they assume I was "one of those"? Making cookies is more fun than eating apples. Kids can decorate the cookies--not much you can do with the apples.When others offer my kids snacks my only worry is that my kid will take one bite and waste it or eat it like they have never been fed before--other people's snacks taste much better than your own you know.  Usually people aren't that aggressive, it is more like they inspect the package and then say something about their child only eats organic, doesn't eat junk food like goldfish crackers or the occasional "We don't eat that crap." I've actually witnessed this more than I've had it happen to me, but it has still happened. Someday one of my kids will ask why someone said that about their food (or a food we eat) and I will have to find a way to defend my choices without being disrespectful to the other person's beliefs. I guess it is the same with all differing beliefs--you want to teach that people believe differently rather than that they are wrong or silly but it is more challenging when they have jsut insulted your choice/belief.

I have a friend with whom I discussed this issue. Her son had a classmate who food policed the other kids and told them their parents were giving them poison. It is one thing when you get the aggressive vegan who talks about your colon and how you must not know what you are doing to your body or you couldn't eat meat etc when you are an adult. It is different when someone tells your child about how terrible your choices are...like it is fact, and not just their opinion. We all make different choices for our kids and I do hope that when I tell my kids I make a certain choice for them because I love and want them to be safe and healthy that they don't take that to mean that people who make different choices don't love their kids or care about their health or safety. My thing is car safety not snacks--we all have our different issues. I hope my kids don't tell the kids who don't use car seats or boosters that their parents don't care about their safety. Life is complicated.

Food should be easier than religion or politics yet it can be very awkward. It is kind of funny though because unlike religion and politics the other side often doesn't feel as passionately so you don't tend to get the heated arguments. For instance, vegans might think meat is terrible, but omnivors don't think vegetables are bad for you. It is more like one person attacks and then is later mocked when they are gone. One time at a dance class my then 3 year old daughter was taking, a parent launched into this whole "Don't you know you are poisoning your kids" tirade while drinking a Big Gulp. I don't remember why she started and it wasn't directed at a single person, but she went on and on about how the food in stores is poison and you have to have your own chickens or buy from a farmer you trust. All processed foods were poison. Anything you bought in a grocery store was poison--milk, eggs, vegetables--everything. On and on about how ignorant we( in general I guess) were because we would never eat food from the store if we knew what she knew. The next week she brought her daughter in carrying a fast food bag. The day of the tirade the other moms were all quiet and acted like they were listening to a reasonable  person talk. As soon as she left there was an explosion of conversation about her soda, how crazy what she said was and how rudely she had termed everything. I was no better, but I wonder why none of us voiced our disagreement to her. Why didn't anyone simply say "I don't believe that" or  a simple "I'm not poisoning my kids." Or a "I don't want to hear anymore of this." I get why nobody questioned her about her soda because the "look at you!" arguments are annoying, but "I don't appreciate being told I'm ignorantly poisoning my kids" would have been called for. Maybe since there were many of us we were all waiting for someone else to say something. I think if she had launched into a specific person I might have come to their defense but when it was directed at everyone I kept my pie hole shut. I'm sure pie is poison too.